What is left to feel?

Have you ever felt a hope that burned so bright and was risking so much that it completely absorbed you?I have felt such a hope very recently.It was not a happy feeling, not a good one as such. It was defiant. It meant fighting what I thought the world was telling me. I wanted to

Post-Dystopia silence

Now that I have things back to sooth my soul, I have to wonder whether I‘m actually soothing it or simply numbing myself. „No really“, I tell my witch, as I empty another glass bottle over the kitchen sink. „I‘d like to feel things again. Like, anything. And also, I got all these recipes wrong.“

About the instability of things

Living during what could easily be the end of the longest era of (more or less) global stability has an awful lot of things to do with people either not realizing it, or enjoying the collapse of things far too much. To the first ones: Do you remember this proverb about setting things free? This

Manic Dystopia

Have enough of our loved ones been absorbed by plague, war, and the general collapse of things for us to pose as a baroque painting? My witch said yes, so just think of all the pretty things we‘re gonna get now! Just like Emilie Autumn once sang about pretty dresses and hair when expecting to

The myth of Dystopia

Do you remember the meme that made the round a few years ago and was about how our grandparents apparently described their way to school?Barefoot through a blizzard, fighting off wild animals and all of that on their own?Or, have you ever come across this weird saying about difficult times making great people … and,

Post against war

I can smell sweat and acrylic paint, and my hand aches from holding on to a wooden handle for a few hours too long. A heavy weight on my chest has eased for at least a few breaths after all of this and I feel a strange love for all the people around me. The

Witching healings

Once there were nights whose deep blue was sparkling and was vibrating on that frequency of a wonderful melody. Those sparkles were a warm and cozy orange, and the melody was one to lift you up without ever losing hold. Those nights tasted like ice cream and wine and had sugar sprinkles on them. „So,

Stomping through Dystopia

Have you ever set something on fire? Or someone? Or, do you think there is someone who would really like to burn you? How many people exactly do you think would like to see you burn?My witch giggles over my left shoulder. „You own small talk“, she states.I definitely know that I don‘t.But that‘s not

Tales to tell my witch (because Daddy was mean).

Some things I can only ever tell my witch. Such things as whispering „I should buy that red velvet dress, because my boss was such a bitch again“, when it‘s 4 in the morning and the after midnight pizza had already emptied by bank account. It‘s a great relief to have a witch by your

About all the wrong moments in time

The moment when something is wrong likes to arrive with a drumming. A deep and sudden drumming that can be felt deep in the stomach … Or even only there? I have been close to writing the first moment in the life of my witch when something was seriously wrong, but something kept me from

Finding the right spell

What I miss most about my old life are the little rituals I had.I know that my second life as a witch the pandemic brought upon me appears to have a lot of those. Witches have their potions, right? You can just knock on their door with the most secret and desperate desires of your

Overly dramatic december post!

„I only have one regret“, I tell my unicorn at 4 Am while talking two times as fast and three times as high as usual. „I never had cotton candy hair!“ And we both keep on needle felting our pastel colored hearts to give away for another sad Christmas. „A youth in the 2010s without

One night to have it all

This one is about a night that almost felt normal. Normal enough to feel dizzy and tell my witch that I just sang in front of people.„I sang“, I am repeating myself, while it is freezing outside and I forgot my coat somewhere but couldn‘t care less. „I sang in front of people, just as

Dystopia blossoming – impressions from the witching garden

My thoughts today are in my witching garden. I don‘t even have a garden, but for some time within the past lockdowns I have helped a friend with his while hiding away in there from everything going on around me, and since my sweat pants radius has grown with each of these times for a

Reality in Dystopia!

If you‘re rushing fast enough, you will stop to see colors, or to distinguish noises. Everything becomes a blur with no real shapes in it.No real moments, no real experiences, and no real feelings.That sounds quite, convenient, right? To just never engage in anything long enough for it to really leave an impression, a trace

Pandemic thoughts

Finally, I figured out the accident the pandemic is regularly causing within my head. This does not make it any better, but since I don‘t know what else to do with it, I thought I‘d share it! Whenever I read news concerning it, I feel like losing my mind. I run crazy, I climb highway

Witching houses – a photo-thread!

Some say, witching houses are what you will find, if you get lost in the forest.Some say, they taste delicious, but that their taste comes with a price. For me, witching houses are a place to throw your heart at, once it does not fit anywhere else in this world anymore. They shine lights at

The upbringing of a witch

„What does being an adult even mean?“, I ask my witch at midnight with a huge cupcake and unopened letters in my hands. Since I grew up in a family that would not let you count as an adult without being married, an own house and a baby at least on the way, I am

Tale about the stars

The fascination for the sky seems to be as old as human life itself.It is truly wonderful to watch the colors of a sunrise, or to step out of the city lights to observe the twinkling and sparkling unthinkable depth surrounding us. And of course, knowledge of these things can be vital to survive. This

A witching promise

I’ll come back. I’ll be back. I’ll come back to haunt you. “I’ll come back to haunt you, once I’ve drowned”, my witch sighed deep into our bottle of wine. We have not done this in months. I got busy with things which I had assumed would be easier but turned out to be a

Nuances in Dystopia

All of my Dystopia tales were about last times.Things having ended and everything turning into nothing. I chose photos with blurry silhouettes covered in rain drops and blood. They were dark and intense and written to survive – and 18 months later, I am still here, and after all of this, my next blog post

About things that matter

I miss the feeling of doing something that matters. This morning, it took me 3 hours to convince myself that getting up, putting on pants and having a coffee still makes sense. Even before sitting up for the first time, my brain starts to replay the same dark thoughts I have been stuck with for

The struggle with time

„Time can bring me closer but also push me further from one thing“, I tell my witch.„Especially the one thing we are missing and yearning and feeling like we live for“, my witch agreed.„We never know.“ While writing my witching novel, I discovered a struggle with time.Or, with timing.With the time structure in my novel.It

Dystopia in summer

„These problems don‘t occur over night and it tells a lot about you that you did not fix it“, says the gray square that is my professor, and once again I realize that all my witching things have become an extra layer of skin because being alive hurts like hell and is unfair. It has

When sunsets are a reason to cry

My most happy sunsets always started in late February, or early March. In those weeks, it was still dark and cold, but sometimes the horizon was already burning with things about to come. Every year for a week in March I would visit my mother and the city I grew up in and also be

About the end of the world

„I have seen the end of the world.“ My witch always laughs about me saying things like that. This time, it is not about everything inside of me that has been breaking apart ever since this Dystopia started. This time, it is about a walk that I have taken almost every day for the past

The witch and Dystopia

I am sitting on a field at night.The second lockdown has already lasted many months and spring is arriving. This time, I am not alone with my witch. A real other person is there with me. I am having a friend with me.We are hiding after curfew far away from the street. „If we walk

Witchcraft within

My witch had once been an ordinary person, and when Dystopia hit, had fallen out of that reality. Against all odds, she had survived her witching trial and had escaped the flames, to find a dark kind of love with someone just as lost as herself.While writing, I am sending her through all of this

“Buried-alive”-thoughts

I wonder how extreme I would have had to live my life to not have regrets right now. Sometimes, I listen to a song that I would like to say reminds me of a moment in which I was happy, but I fear that it might also remind me of a moment in which I

Hope might have killed

„I don‘t think a little hope ever killed anyone.“„Maybe it will kill me, if you keep throwing it at me to shut me up.“ Yes, this conversation really happened. It was much longer, and included a lot more fury on both sites. I wonder why people keep doing this.Why do people always think that denying