I wanted to write about my old love for sitcoms for a while now, but of course had to wait for the saddest opportunity to do so, because it‘s me…
„It‘s the comforting evening ritual and background chatter I used to get through the day before I knew how to summon you“, I tell my witch and she giggles.
Now that I think about it, it‘s actually more than that. It‘s probably the reason why I ever managed to accomplish anything in my life so far.
When I was around 20 years old, was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with me and my life, I was depressed and anxious all the time. I felt like nothing would work out, I always saw the problems and was of course sure that I would never be good enough for anything I wanted in life. I had a phobia concerning mails and the letter box and everyone who knew me was surprised I ever survived any exam time.
Okay, to be honest: Not so much has changed. Still I fear my letter box, or dealing with paper work and tend to think I am cursed.
But somehow I managed to study something that interested me, and I even have day job I don‘t hate at the moment, so something worked out.
And that happened mostly, because I could use the sitcom „Friends“ (it really was mostly this particular one) to cope. While I write this also in thought of the format of a sitcom, my most personal experiences concern the sitcom “Friends”.
It all started in the middle of a very difficult night, when a lot of things happened that were messed up and don‘t even matter anymore at this point. The important thing is that I was tired of being sad. I was 23 years old, and suddenly felt as if I had spent so much time being sad, I was done with it for now, and so I stayed awake that night and just randomly began watching Friends. It gave me a cozy feeling, because my parents had often watched it when I was little. I liked the flair of the first seasons, admired the 90s fashion in it … It made me laugh about moments which in my real life would give me a panic attack or keep me from leaving the house for the next few days.
Sometimes, it was Monica trying to impress her parents although everyone knew it would only hurt her. It could be the countless times each character went on a date that went dramatically wrong, but it dit not destroy them mentally and only became another funny story to live with now.
It could be Rachel discovering the amount of taxes she has to pay for the first time, or her being yelled at by the Janitor for being unable to put the pizza cartons away correctly. Or her courage of seeing that future boss again she accidentally kissed … Okay, I had a crush on Rachel, a very serious one. And when I was lucky enough to hang out with a girl who I knew was a lesbian and whom I had met on a dating platform but was still too insecure to do anything, I showed my special anxiety medicine and we bonded so much, we finally started making out! Okay, this also happened because in the first episodes the words “lesbian” and “love” are mentioned very often, since we have Karol and Susan getting married, but still. I owe that one to the show, I think.
The point is: This one sitcom in particular gave me a view on things that was less dark and painful as the one in my head was. For a while, this kept me going and is the reason why I accomplished a few things before the pandemic (and everything that has happened since) would bring another time of crisis. It helped me take things a little bit easier for a while, and I see this as the potential this format of a show has.
Make the little stories that usually be very draining, or lonely or terrifying more funny to look at from the outside.
When the pandemic came, I could not watch it anymore because it made me feel even lonelier, and nowadays I do not feel the need anymore, but I still appreciate it a lot.
Although, I also see how it had a negative impact on me. For a while, I really tried to be nothing but a sitcom character. I wanted to be perfectly styled, funny and kind of settled in this world. I did not want to have any depth, because the depth I naturally have because my past is terrifying and tough to live with and now and then chases people away. When I look at photos of myself from that time, I wonder why I had to cut my hair that short, or why I only used the most invisible make up, and barely ever wore dresses.
I just tried to be simple and happy for a moment.
And it was wonderful while it lasted, although looking back I see why it could not last forever.
I am writing this now, because we lost a “Friend” today who could always make me laugh with tears.
Mistress witch writes 